The Horrible Fate of Hodge
by Red Witch
Summary: A new student makes the mistake of provoking Zim's wrath.


**I don't own any characters from Invader Zim except maybe Hodge. But he's pretty much worthless anyway. And I'm just guessing at one or two of the names of the skool kids. Then again the way they get rotated out of the class it's possible a new batch just shows up. This is just some more madness from my mind. MADNESS! **

**The Horrible Fate of Hodge**

"Class, once again we have another student to stuff in our horribly overcrowded classroom," Miss Bitters remarked to her students. "Fortunately for all of you since Keef is now a permanent resident in the Elementary wing of the psycho ward I don't have to send any of you to the Underground Classroom."

"But I will anyway," Miss Bitters sent a hapless student sitting behind Zim to the Underground Classroom.

"Class, this is Hodge," Miss Bitters introduced a good looking big kid with blond hair and a well made red sweater with designer jeans and a sports jacket. "Hodge if you have anything to say, say it now. Because after that I don't want to hear another word out of you. Any questions?"

"Just one," Hodge pointed to Zim. "What's with the green kid?"

"FINALLY! SOMEBODY **ELSE** NOTICES!" Dib yelled.

"Oh no…" Zita moaned.

"Here we go…" Van the self proclaimed 'cool kid' of the class groaned.

"Finally **somebody else** sees the alien in the classroom!" Dib threw up his hands. "THANK YOU GOD!"

"I am not an alien!" Zim snapped. "I am a perfectly normal worm baby!"

"I wouldn't say you're normal either Zim!" A kid called out.

"Shut your pie hole or I shall make you **obey!"** Zim made a fist.

"See he's an **alien!**" Dib yelled.

"Obviously he's not **that** kind of alien," Hodge rolled his eyes. "You got problems dude."

"Well duh!" Zim snorted.

Hodge gave him a hard look. Then he changed to a carefree charming look. "I just want to say that I'm glad to be in a class with a lot of…interesting students and some very lovely girls in it."

"AAAHHHHHH!" All the girls in class giggled.

"Hey I like this guy!" One student said. "He's cool."

"Yeah…Wait! **I'm **supposed to be the cool kid in this class!" Van was horrified.

Hodge did a flip with his perfect blond hair. "I nominate Hodge to be the coolest kid ever!" Screamy yelled.

"YAYYYY!" All the other students except Dib, Zim and Van cheered. Van sat there in the back with a tear in his eye.

"Great. Another useless student in an overpopulated world whose only value will be his looks and nothing else," Bitters snarled.

"Hey!" Hodge was stunned.

"I call 'em like I see 'em kid," Bitters snarled. Then the same student Bitters sent out came in. "What are **you **doing back here?"

"They said for me to give you this note," The boy gave Bitters a note.

"OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!" Miss Bitters yelled as she read it. "Over my quota my Aunt Fang! Administrators will **suffer **for this!" She stormed out of the classroom.

"Boy Miss Bitters must be upset," Dib blinked. "She forgot to threaten us to stay in our seats while she was gone."

"Is there always this much **drama** around here?" Hodge blinked.

"Actually there's usually a little more," Sarah told him.

CRASH!

"And here it comes right on schedule," Sarah sighed as the students went to see what was going out in the hallway.

They saw one teacher wrestling with another. Then a group of Skool Security guards rush in and try to drag the two teachers apart. "Hey they finally got Mr. Menlow out of the ventilators," Mikey yelled.

"Now was he the skool guidance counselor before or **after** Mr. Dwicky?" A student asked.

"Before. Definitely before," Zita told him. "And Mr. Menlow is attacking the new guidance counselor Mr. Peeps."

"What happened to Dwicky?" Hodge asked.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," Dib grumbled. "Let's just say Zim had something to do with it!"

"Lies! Zim had **nothing** to do with Dwicky running off with aliens or with Mr. Menlow's brain damage," Zim bristled. "And Zim certainly had nothing to do with putting a squirrel's brain in Mr. Menlow!"

"I didn't say that," Dib blinked.

"LIES! YOU LIE! ZIM DID **NOT** DO THOSE THINGS!" Zim said. "See how he slanders Zim?"

Everyone stared at them both. "In case you haven't **noticed** Hodge, Dib and Zim are the skool lunatics," Sarah groaned.

"Yeah I kind of figured that," Hodge said. He then flashed a grin that made all the girls squeal.

"Oh man I can feel my popularity dripping away," Van moaned.

"Hey who wants to hang out with me after skool and drink sodas? My treat!" Hodge grinned.

The girls squealed. "I do!"

"I do!" Van said cheerfully. "Oh man I've really lost it!"

"I still think you're cool!" A dorky looking boy said cheerfully.

"Oh shut up Melvin," Van punched him so hard he knocked him down.

Zim took note of this. "This Hodge has strange charismatic abilities that get the students to follow him," Zim thought. "How does this work?"

"Uh, he's good looking and rich?" Dib gave him a look. "Some things that you aren't."

"Hey! How did you know what Zim was thinking?" Zim snapped.

"You spoke out loud you moron," Dib groaned. "You know sometimes I wonder if you're not the crack invader I think you are. That you were sent on this mission just to get out of your leader's way or something."

"**LIES!** ZIM IS HERE ON A SECRET MISSION TO…" Zim stopped. Everyone was looking at him. "To **be perfectly normal**! Yes, Zim is normal! He's normal, normal, normal! But if he **was **an alien he'd be the perfect specimen of an Invader and **wipe out** your inferior…But Zim is normal. Very normal."

"You're **both** crazy," Hodge gave Zim and Dib a look. "Come on Gang, let's walk away from the crazies!" The kids laughed and followed him to the back of the classroom.

"Once again **you** act like a nut job and people think **I'm **crazy!" Dib grumbled at Zim before going back to his seat. "Some days I'm just tempted to **let** you take over the Earth. Just to say 'I told you so!'"

"Hmmm, this Hodge's leadership may be even more of a hindrance than the Dib," Zim frowned. "He must be eliminated. Immediately…"

Later that day in the cafeteria. "And then when Zim does bring his armada here to conquer the Earth I can say: 'I told you so!' And ask why didn't you listen to me?" Dib went on as he sat next to Gaz.

Gaz of course was playing her game. "Do you **ever** shut up?" She hissed.

Dib of course, didn't. "We should have listened to Dib! Why didn't we listen to Dib?" Dib moaned dramatically, fake swooning. "I'll **tell** you why! You were all too busy being jerks! That's why!"

"I really have got to find another table to sit at one of these days," Gaz groaned.

"I swear some days I think I really **should** let Zim take over the planet," Dib said. "Then everyone will see! Then everyone will be sorry!"

"If you don't **shut up** when we get home **you'll **be the one who'll be sorry," Gaz gritted her teeth. "The only reason I go to class sometimes is to get away from your horrible annoying voice!"

"Yeah, let's see how well they'll get along without me protecting them!" Dib grunted.

"I have a feeling they're not going to have a problem with taking care of Zim," Gaz looked out the corner of her eye. "It seems Hodge is already taking care of Zim for you."

"Huh?" Dib blinked as he saw Zim being dragged by Hodge into the boy's bathroom.

"Unless you want a swirly and stink like poop water I suggest you shut up and eat your lunch," Gaz snarled as she played her game. "For once let Zim get it instead of you!"

"Okay," Dib blinked.

Just then the blob of lunch goo on both their trays hissed and bubbled. It merged into one blob. Then it reached out and grabbed Gaz's game slave! "HEY! GIVE IT! GIVE IT BACK!" Gaz shouted as she tried to stab the blob with her fork. "Dib your stupid lunch is trying to take my game slave!"

"Uh actually I think that half is **your** lunch," Dib gulped.

Gaz stabbed at the blob which gave out a painful yipe. "YIPE! YIPE! YIPE!" The blob scurried away into a hole in the wall.

"Great…I got blob goo in my game!" Gaz snarled.

"We really should think about brown bagging our lunch sometime," Dib winced.

Meanwhile inside the boy's bathroom.

"I really don't like foreigners," Hodge cackled as he dunked Zim's head in a toilet and gave him a swirly. "Coming over here and acting weird and funny!"

Even though Zim had made it a point to cover himself with a fine paste every day to protect him from Earth's polluted water some of the liquid still managed to seep through his skin. "AAAAAAHH!" Zim screamed as the water burned. "MY EYES!"

"I think I'm gonna call you Rat Face from now on," Hodge sneered. "Like that water Rat Face?"

"FLLBBBOBBBBBEEEEE!" Zim gasped for air.

Hodge threw him to the ground. "See ya around Rat Face!" Hodge laughed as he walked away.

"Definitely eliminate Hodge…" Zim hissed in pain. "And I think I have just the plan to do it!"

Later that afternoon Zim was cornered by Hodge. "Okay Rat Face! Give me some money for some sodas!" Hodge snapped as he shoved him against the lockers.

"Wait! Zim does not have any money here but he does have it at **home!**" Zim said. "And cookies! Lots of cookies! And waffles!"

"I like waffles," Hodge thought. "A lot. I'm listening."

"Come with me after skool to my house," Zim said. "There you can get money and many fabulous waffles!"

"Don't listen to him, Hodge!" Dib popped out at them. "Zim's a dangerous alien and…"

Hodge responded to Dib by throwing him into a nearby trashcan. "I do like waffles," Hodge admitted. "Okay Rat Face. You have a deal. But don't try to weasel out of it."

"Don't worry, Zim is looking forward to it," Zim grinned.

"Good," Hodge said. He then kicked the can Dib was in and it rolled down the hallway, crashing into the wall.

"Well maybe I won't try too hard this time…" Dib groaned from inside the trash can.

Later that afternoon…

"So this is your house huh? What a dump!" Hodge snorted as he walked into the house with Zim. Then he saw Gir. "Hey! Cool toy robot!"

"The TV tells me what to do!" Gir said cheerfully.

"Huh, that's a weird toy," Hodge said. The door slammed behind him. He turned around and saw Zim glaring at him. "What are you trying to be funny or something?" Hodge sneered.

Zim removed his wing and contacts, revealing his true self. "Oh yes. Zim is being funny. How funny do you find **this?**" He loomed over Hodge using his Pak legs.

Hodge screamed in shock. "YOU! YOU'RE A…YOU'RE A…"

"I believe the word you are looking for is **alien**, human worm baby dirt bag," Zim sneered as he advanced toward Hodge on his Pak legs. "You know Miss Bitters said that this filthy world was overpopulated by disgusting worm babies such as yourself. I think it might not be a bad idea to cull the herd of your disgusting kind before I take over this miserable planet!"

"ALIEN! ALIEN!" Hodge tried to run away only to be tripped by one of Zim's Pak legs. "AAAAHHH! STAY AWAY! STAY AWAY!"

"Hodge you are nothing but a hindrance to me and my mission. I'm going to send you someplace where you'll actually be **useful**," Zim cackled as he advanced on Hodge. "Call me a rat face will you? Well you're gonna see a **real** rat face! HA HA HA!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Hodge screamed but couldn't escape his horrible fate.

The next day at Skool…

"Hodge? Hodge? Has anyone seen Hodge?" Bitters looked around the classroom. Hodge's seat was empty.

"No, **wherever** could he be?" Zim whistled innocently. He pressed a button inside his desk.

Gir's voice came over the intercom. "Attention Miss Bitters' Class…Hodge the Human Worm Baby will no longer be coming to skool. He has moved far, far away. That is all. PEACE OUT!"

"YAY! I'm the cool kid in the class again!" Van cheered.

"I told you that one wouldn't last," Miss Bitters remarked. "At least this one didn't take up too much of my valuable time. And we have a little more room."

Just then two more students entered the classroom and gave Miss Bitters a note. "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE **KIDDING** ME?" Bitters yelled. "I get rid of **one** useless student only to get **two** more? What do they think this is? A rabbit day care? That's it! That's it! Students go do some work in your groups. I have to make another argument to the skool board about mandatory birth control!" She stormed out of the room.

Dib noticed that Gir in his Dog costume was running off the skool property but he didn't say anything to anyone. He looked at Zim when they were ordered to get into their groups for pointless worksheet time. "Zim what happened to Hodge?"

"Whatever do you mean?" Zim said innocently.

"You did something didn't you?" Dib sighed.

"Well I do have some good news for you Dib Stink," Zim whistled. "And some slightly bad news. The good news is that Hodge now **believes** you and is sorry he ever laughed at you. And is **sorrier** that he ever crossed my path!"

"And the **bad** news?" Dib blinked. Zim just responded to this with a laugh. A very long evil laugh.

Many, many, many light years away on Planet Blorch…

"HELP! HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Hodge screamed as he ran for his life against giant ferocious rat monsters that snapped at his heels. His clothes were torn and tattered and he was cut and bitten in many places. "HELP ME!"

Skoodge watched the boy from the safety of his Voot Cruiser in the sky. "Glad that's not **me** down there," He gulped. "Ow! That looks really painful."

"YEAOOWWWWWW!"

"Very painful," Skoodge winced. Then he took out some snacks and ate them as he watched Hodge's painful torture.


End file.
